_my love for you;

SaAt Yg DiNaNtI...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Hari ini, genaplah 37 minggu aku telah melalui perjalanan sebagai wanita hamil. Kalau ikut EDD minggu ke 40 barulah aku akan bergelar ibu.. tapi kalau ikut kata doctor, lagi beberapa hari aja lagik dapat aku melihat dan mendakap si kecil ini. Perasaannya hanya Tuhan aja yg tahu. Bertapa gairah dan teruja nya aku menanti saat2 itu.

Perjalanan sebagai seorg yg pregnant nie tidak lah se’smooth’ yg aku fikirkan. Walaupun ahli keluarga dan teman2 amat prihatin terhadap keadaanku dan selalu give in pada aku, namun bila datang sakit lelah nya…. Aku harus menanggungnya sendiri. Whatever it is, aku amat2 berterima kasih pada semua kerana telah menahan dgn karenah ku.

Tentang perasaan gairah pulak, kata orang tua2 jgn excited sgt… aku dah cuba lah nak kawal perasaan excited tu tapi tak semudah yg dijangka. Mana tak nya… nampak aje baju yg comel2, kasut yg saiznya satu pertiga tapak tanganku, dress2 yg kembang2 even lampin pakai buang size NEWBORN boleh buat aku tak tentu arah dan dengan sekelip mata semua nie akan ade di dlm bakul shoppingku. Aku rasa inilah hikmahnya kenapa aku tidak bekerja waktu ini kerana kalau tidak, aku akan pulang dengan barang2baby yg boleh dimuatkan dalam satu stor.

Mungkin ada yg akan merasakan aku ni gila atau ‘over’ excited… tapi tunggu jelah giliran kamu kamu semua… entah2 lebih OVER lagik dari aku. :D Anyway, dalam kegilaan aku shopping utk semua ini, ada jugak fakta atau sebab2 lain yg membuat aku yakin apa yg aku lakukan ini adelah tepat dan bukan satu pembaziran kerana apa yg aku beli adalah satu KEPERLUAN. ;)

Aku juga harus memikirkan sekiranya aku berada didlm pantang nanti, siapakan yg akan membeli keperluan2 itu semua? Sekurang2nya aku sudah mempunyai contoh atau sample supaya dapat lah aku menyuruh si bapa yg BLUR tentang semua ini utk membelinya sekiranya sudah putus supply nanti. Terlintas juga difikiran sekiranya ada perkara yg tak diingini berlaku, maka semuanya sudah tersedia dan tak perlulah kelam-kabut atau menyusahkan org lain.

Saat ini, aku rasa relax skit sebab almost everything is done. Hanya menanti ketibaannya. Tak perlulah aku kusutkan fikiranku tentang itu dan ini yg belum sedia kerana aku pun sudah sarat dan dah tak larat nak bershopping lagik walaupun Sale Sale yg sedang berlangsung sedang memanggil2 utk aku terus berbelanja. Heee….

Kepada teman2 ku, terima kasih lah byk2 sebab memikirkan tentang keadaanku yg sedang pregnant nie whenever kite kluar. Very thoughtful of u all and it’s very much appreciated. Dan sungguh terharu sekali pabila melihat kamu semua datang menjenguk ku bila aku berada di hospital 3 bulan yg lalu. Within such a short notice dan dengan schedule u all yg bz bz, u all still manage to come juz 2 b there. Im truly touched. :)

For my beloved husband, terima kasih kerana sangat sabar melayan karenah saya yg bukan2 nie. I know it can be tiring n its not easy being u for having a wife like me. But it only makes me realise each n everyday how lucky I am to have u as my husband.

Thank You for being who u r, my once-in-a-lifetime wish upon a star; the one who knows who I am & loves me without limits… I love you!

-Sign Off @ 11:13 :)

TeMaN-TeMaNkU...

Friday, March 19, 2010

Beberapa hari ni asyik ujan je. Cuaca yg mendung2 cam ni lah yg mendatangkan ilham yg best2 utk berkarya. Tapi ari nie lain skit, mcm malas nak berpuisi atau ber-cerpen. Ari nie aku ingin membuat satu perubahan di blog ku yg sudah lama ku abaikan.

Perubahan pertama yg ketara adalah blog ari ni, akan ku type dlm bahasa melayu walaupun adelah omputih2 skit. Dan yg kedua, aku tak ingin bercerita tentang apa yg aku lakukan beberapa hari yg lalu, ari ini atau hari2 yg akan dtg. Aku ingin bercerita tentang kehidupanku yg telah berubah oleh kerana orang2 yg aku gelar sahabat…

Mungkin entry kali ni agak panjang dan seakan cerpen namun yg bezanya adalah inilah reality kehidupan ku.

Aku tidak mempunyai ramai teman, tgk sajalah facebook ku tak sampai pun 80 org. Dan dlm kurang 80 yg aku ade ni hanya beberapa org saja teman yg boleh ku kira dgn jari tanganku utk ku benar2 anggap sahabat. Tapi aku pasti apa yg aku miliki melebihi dari org yg mempunyai beratus-ratus ‘friends’ di facebook mereka. Kerana teman segelintir yg aku ada amat berbeza, unik dan yang penting amat2 aku hargai.

Aku menyedari tentang teman2 ku ini pabila aku memasuki ITE dan bila aku kluar bekerja. Aku sedari pada saat ini aku tidak lagi keep in touch dgn teman sekolah rendah atau menengah kecuali BF ku. ‘keep in touch’ ku bermakna SELALU atau SERING aku hubungi dan bersua utk melakukan kerja2 tak berfaedah seperti gossip! :P

Anyway, aku ingin bercerita tentang teman2 ku ini. Mereka sgt istimewa kerana tanpa mereka aku hanya mampu milihat dari sudut pandangan ku saja. Dulu masa di ITE, teman2 ku selalu dtg padaku utk mendapatkan ‘nasihat’. Aku dianggap sebagai penasihat terutama sekali soal hati.. ehem2.. time tu bangga jugak aku. Tapi bila aku amati, aku bukan lah expert mane nak kasi org nasihat nie semua. Time tu kite semua tgh belajar bukan nye aku ade experience pun. Boyfriend pun aku ade 2 aje (dimana salah satu telah pun menjadi suamiku... :D). Tak cukup ilmu didada nak nasihat kan org. Mungkin aura aku, tak pun aku action mcm faham keadaan drg dan cuba membantu mana yg bole tu yg membuat mereka dtg padaku. Biase lah nak kasi nasihat bukan susah sgt… guna kan kata2 yg logic yg bole diterima akal kira oklah tu… yg susah adalah utk mengamalkan nasihat itu sendiri. Sama seperti kita bole mengingatkan anak utk ngaji dan solat kerana kita tau itu yg sepatutnya dilakukan tapi amalan nya.. kita sendiri lalai.

Kematangan seseorg itu bukan kerana mereka dilahirkan sebagai seorg yg ‘matured’. Aku yakin ianya dtg dari pengalaman dan pergaulan. Dari itu aku ingin istiharkan sekiranya ada org menganggap aku matured adalah kerana pengalamanku bersama org2 yg aku temui. Merekalah yg telah membuat ku seorg yg 'matured'. Teman2 ku ni bermcm2.. ada yg terlalu ikutkan hati dan perasaan, ada yg menginginkan sesuatu yg sukar utk diperolehi atau dikecapi, ada yg suka melakukan kesilapannya berulang kali, ada pulak yg harus melalui hari ini dgn berbekalkan kesilapan semlm, ada yg suka membuat situasi itu lebih sukar utk org lain dan ada yg free n easy.

Jgn salah faham, aku bukan nya mengutuk teman2 ku cuma memberi contoh perbezaan mereka walaupun kite sudah lama bersama. Kerana perbezaan ini lah yg membolehkan aku melihat kehidupan dari sudut yg berbeza dan MUNGKIN kerana ini membuat aku seseorg yg lebih matang. Aku tak cakap lah yg kehidupan ku sekarang ni PERFECT dan aku ni bagus sgt. Cuma aku selalu reflect agar aku juga dpt menghindari dari melakukan kesilapan yg sama… kate penasihat.. hahaha

Walauapapun kehidupan seakan putaran roda ada kala diatas dan ada kala dibawah. Aku tak nafikan aku senantiasa rasa bahawa selama ini aku berada di atas… (itu pun kerana org2 disekelilingku) namun itu yg membuat aku takut bilakah akan tiba masanya aku berada di bawah. Pada masa itulah aku juga ingin teman2 berada disisi utk memberi semula semangat kepadaku dan bukan mentertawakan ku kerana suatu masa dahulu 'kononnya' aku pernah berada diatas. Padaku perasaan berada di atas atau bawah depends on how u 1 2 look at it.

Wahai teman2ku tidak perlu utk ade dikalangan kamu utk berasa cemburu atau envy pada ku atas apa yg aku perolehi atau dimana aku berdiri sekarang. Aku cuma ingin kamu tahu sekiranya ade perasaan ENVY walau sedikit mana pun, u shld stop rite there!! kerana aku percaya apa saja yg aku miliki adalah kerana dlm perjalanan hidup ku, telah aku ditemukan dgn kamu yg sedikit sebanyak merubah kehidupanku dan membuat aku siapa aku sekarang… kamu yg aku gelar SAHABAT…

-Sign Off @ 15:22 :)

...

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Wow!! its been almost 3 mths since i update my blog. Heeee... getting lazier n lazier to do tis. Im bz u know!! eventhough i am not working. Hahahaha... Bt i really am...

So wat shld i update?? Lets c... ermm.. moved back to mum's, recently went to KL with my parents and the rest. Had a very tiring outing. Didnt really buy anything but i finally got the RED ROSE fabric i was looking for!!!! Anyway wasnt feeling weel when i was there.. with the morning sickness n all i dont even have appetite to eat.

What else... ouh yeah n i am Pregnant!! in fact it's almost 7 weeks alrd. Fast huh? Went for the ultrasound scan last week n i saw baby.... n that heartbeat really makes me feel different. I remembered the first time i show shark the test kid n he was... "Wah!! U Pregnant?!!" n then came all the funny2 things like wana chk the gender of the baby tat very same day n wana make doa selamat n all... hahaha... All i cld feel at tat time was... i am unable to enrol for my LCCI course anymore at least not until the baby is born.. But then when i c that heartbeat last week... it all sink in that i really am pregnant n tat every other things can wait coz this is wat we've been really waiting for actually...

Everyone seems to be very nice when they know abt my condition. Mum was extremely careful abt wat i do, eat n all... My sis is becoming more n more like my mum.. hahaha with the constant reminders n all... n frenz had been very understanding. But i am juz afraid with my unexpected mood swings will only hurt those who really care 4 me. N shark had been super nice with me constantly threatening him that 'baby will b upset' hahahaha....

I juz hope that tis morning sickness will end soon n that i am able to go thru the full term of my pregnancy smoothly...

-Sign Off @ 11:58 :)

Hari Raya Updates

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Weeee... Hari Raya had been great for me so far. I tink tis year i went for visiting to more places than usual.. of coz since the family had been expanded and that we are newly wedd n have yet 2 visit the relative since we got married.

Went visiting to shark's side on the first day n went to my mum's plc in the evening. Went out again on the 2nd day to my dad's side. Last weekend we went out again wif the whole family from morning till nite. Its really tiring but fun since we went out 2gether. N guess wat, i got green packet from Mak Long!! hahaha she said its like a wedding token from her. heeee.... :)

Now i cant wait for tis sat as it will be raya outing wif the babes!! hahaha... We've been doing tis outing for like 4 or 5 years now N im glad tat we are still together and staying as frenz. Im soooo looking 4ward 2 tis sat!!

Raya tis year is really a big change for me. Its the 1st time tat i woke up in the early morning not seeing my parents but my husband instead. The feeling is different but doesnt mean its bad. Its juz different. I really cant wait to celebrate raya in my own home n probably i'll feel more complete. For now, im juz so happy tat I already have wat i wish for and im glad tat i get the opportunity to celebrate raya tis year as ur wife...

-Sign Off @ 17:01 :)

1 MoNtH AgO...

Monday, September 7, 2009

How time flies and its already 1 month ago where i went thru a life changing moment. Im glad tat all went well. Im still adjusting myself to the new 'environment' and im not sure if the fasting month had made it easier for me. But im just so glad for everything.

I remembered telling my frenz how i wanted to get the big day done n over with and juz look 4ward 4 the honeymoon but now, i somehow wanted the day to last 4ever. I was too busy with the changing n the picture taking n wat have u that i didnt get the opportunity to really 'feel' the day.

But then again, the most memorable part, someone manage to make me cry infront of so many people. It wasnt the 'moment' kinda cry.. i was crying like there's no 2mrw!! how cld u? hahaha.. Seriously i wasnt expecting that beautiful poem from u. All i remembered saying was 'surprise me' n wat i had in mind was 'satu lafaz dalam satu nafas' meant for the solemnization coz i really tot u might need to say it more than once... hahaha... But u really surprise me. N it was really sweet of u to make my frenz stay to witness tat moment which i really tot was for the cake cutting ceremony. Boy, u blew me away.

THE POEM:
It was 12th June 2003,
At bugis we planned to meet,
When I reached the mrt,
A lady in jeans with a sweet smile she greet,
At coffee bean we sat down and chat,
And a journey with her begins without regret.

6 years passed with highs and lows,
A common thing for all lovers to grow,
Whether it’s bad or worst should I say,
She is still with me till this special day.

I may not promise you the stars, the moon or skies,
Not even to promise you that we shall never be apart,
But I know you have come to realise,
I have only love for you, from deep inside my heart…

Today I made a vow to the girl I’ve known,
From just a friend to lovers our relationship have grown,
So hear me out what I’ve written last night,
A special poem, for my one and only bride.
I prayed for a life, He gave me health,
I prayed for a living, He gave me wealth,
I prayed for love, He gave me one so true,
He sent me an angel, and that angel is you…
I believed it’s fate that brought us together,
I love you so truly and may it last forever…

All I ever wanted was to be part of your heart,
And for us to be together, to never be apart.

No one else in the world can even compare,
You're perfect and so is this love that we share.

We have so much more than I ever thought we would,
I love you more than I ever thought I could.

I promise to give you all I have to give,
I'll do anything for you as long as I live.

In your eyes I see our present, our future and past,
By the way you look at me I know we will last.

I hope that one day you'll come to realize,
How perfect you are when seen through my eyes.
---------------------------------------------------------------

How can u not cry after reading tis??! He juz know how to make me melt n cry.. Its bcoz of tis speech tat made me wanna go thru the process again coz its juz so so sweet but then again u'll only feel tis kinda sweet feeling when it happen once and when u least expect it coz if u were to repeat the same thing, u wont get the same feeling tat u r searching for. So i'll keep it deep inside my heart for it'll make me remember tis special day forever.

To my lovely frenz who took leave jus for tis and came the day before for my henna nite n who stayed with me and accompanied me with tat fun n laughter n help my mum out n stayed at the wedding reception throughout till it end. I THANK YOU so very much coz u guyz made the whole thing more special for me.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway tis is wat we do during our honeymoon trip to BALI & PHUKET. Had lots n lotsa fun there especially when zila & azam join us for the phuket trip!! Hope to have more trips with the rest too!!! weeeee....

BALIMOON
9 Aug (sunday)
- Had dinner at the hotel n tats tat coz both of us were sick

10 Aug (monday)
- Went shopping in the morning at the supermarket to get some snacks n drinks
- Went for 2 hrs full body spa
- Seafood dinner by the beach with dance performance
- back to hotel

11 Aug (tuesday)
- went shopping in the morning nearby the hotel
- went to central area in the afternoon for more shopping
- Dinner at the restaurant nearby
- More shopping!
- back to hotel

12 Aug (wednesday)
- Check out early as we went for last minute shopping at UBUD
- Went to the painting area n shark bought 2 paintings

PHUKET
13 Aug (thursday)
- check in and straight away went out for sight seeing
- Pass all the 3 beaches
- Go kart
- Shopping
- Watch the sunset
- seafood dinner
- back to hotel

14 Aug (friday)
- shopping @ Jungceylon
- lunch at Pizza Hut
- Swim at the patong beach in the afternoon
- Dinner @ some indian restaurant
- back to hotel

15 Aug (saturday)
- Snorkelling in the morning
- Lunch at the island
- went for a haircut
- seafood dinner at patong area
- last minute shopping
- back to hotel

16 Aug (sunday)
- check out
-------------------------------------------------------------

Tis 1 month had been so great and im looking 4ward to the rest of the days with u. N i surely cant wait for the Hari Raya tis year as tis will b our 1st raya together. Remember all our Hari Raya emails? Now we r really here. I myself cant believe it. Thanks 4 everything..

I love u more than i ever tot i could...

-Sign Off @ 13:03 :)

2mRw..

Thursday, August 6, 2009

2mrw is the day!! n i still have time to blog coz im waiting 4 bf 2 b here. But then again, i dont tink i shld expect anyone here.

I've handled events in my life n im pretty sure i love doing events but somehow tis one juz got me so uptight n lost. N 2day, im beginning 2 feel tat my plans juz doesnt seems to be goin right. I understand there will be hiccups, i can accept tat it wont be perfect but tis is juz tou much 4 me. Afterall, its my big event.

2day itself i alrd received 2 news which is sufficient to make a difference in my planning. Few days back, i alrd had changes which is not suppose 2 happen. Seriously, how i wish tat 2mrw is 2day so tat i wont have tis few more hours to go hoping tat there will be no more of such happenings when i know there will b.

Im suppose to feel excited, nervous n all those kinda feelings but rite now im juz feeling very tired n a little down. Hopefully with the function tis evening will change the way i feel n may b then will i get the excitement feeling n all.

Im juz praying hard tat 2mrw will go on smoothly. I believe that after a heavy rain, there will b a beautiful rainbow...

-Sign Off @ 13:02 :)

My DaYz WiF U...

Sunday, July 26, 2009

I juz finished goin thru all the smses in my phone. N it reminded me of lotsa things that we've went thru. N tats the reason for tis blog...

After reading all, it left me wif a mix feeling of which made me cry eventually. It brings me back to the day we first met more than 6 years ago, even b4 i enter ITE. I've realised tat we went thru sooo much together n i strongly believe that u r the reason for me to be wat n where i am today.

I had many great memories wif u n those tat i remembered vividly was the day when u gave me the very 1st blue rose which i still have it wif me now. In fact i have all the roses that u gave me. The yellow heart shape pendant as my 1st b'day gift n the one that meant to me most, was the promise of the kimono. It wasnt really the kimono that made me sooo happy, but the fact that u made a promise that u will get me one 3 years later n u really did. Wat more cld i ask for besides having someone who keep his word. Coz u promised to love n care for me n that i'll never leave a day w/o ur love n i believe u will keep that promise as well...

Looking back at all tat, i realised how lucky i am 2 have u by my side. N it made me wonder if im gonna b lucky 4ever coz nothing's perfect n i began 2 tink if im ever gonna accept it shld it all change... Bt than again, i've been having a great time 4 such a long period n shld it really change, i shld be thankful that throughout my life i was given the opportunity to create great moments wif u for more than 1/4 of my life.

There's alot of things i wont be able to do or achieve w/o u. N u made it possible for things that r impossible in my life. I remembered my 1st experience on the plane. It was wif u. U made tat happen by bringing me on a trip. U revamped my room n created space by drilling shelf n all which i dont tink anyone else wld do 4 me. U gave me things which i dont tink i'll ever own anytime soon. N all tis somehow have an impact in how i lead my life now. Its really not the material things tat touches me but i remembered ur wish 4 me on my b'day which says, "May u have the best things in life" n tat u r the one who made tat wish happen n u really go all the way so tat i'll receive the best tat i cld get.

Up till today, i've collected 10 "All the best" gift from u. 4 during ITE n 6 in POLY. U made a point to give me tat each semester since my ITE days. It wasnt any big gift but its enuf to remind me that i shld never disappoint anyone especially u. I dont believe i studied tis hard b4. Not during my secondary sch days. Its juz not me. N now i've graduated!! Thks 2 u.

There's jus so much 4 me 2 say n how i wish i cld compile my love journey in a book so tat everyone will know wat a great time i had and wat an increadible person u r... Ur love was undescribable, unconditional n unbelievable. Coz u show it in a different way.

I used to wonder how shld i answer if someone were to ask me "how do u know if he love u?" i use to tink that probably i'll juz say "i can feel it", or "the way he looks into my eyes.." or "he gave me everything tat i wanted." Bt tat not the answer i'll ever give shld someone ask me. Coz tat not how i know he loves me. I dont tink he intended to show me his love by giving me gifts.

But wat i am sure about is that, i know he loves me when he remembers me in his prayers...

-Sign Off @ 01:03 :)